Chaos Reigns Over All
by Archangel Ben
Summary: Time and Space are screwed up due to a little halfbat with no common sense. Optimus has a teenage daughter and Eris has a huge headache on her hands...
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimers: Transformers Does not belong to me in any shape other than the action figures and DVDs and posters I own.

I do not own Wal-Mart.

Eris the Fallen Archangel is partially my Idea with Pita C89

Ben the Fallen Archangel is entirely MY idea.

Disclaimer over

(For those of you wondering, Yes, I am Ben.)

Ben was bored today. He had only caused a mere three world calamities in the last five hours. But on the other hand, it was his day off. So, while he left Eris to clean up his messes , he headed toward the Autobot base. Or so he thought. A shadow loomed behind him as he fluttered toward the base on his little bat wings.

Now, if you do not know Ben, then here's a sum-up. He's 3'2", has long bat ears, wears glasses and a black leather jacket with dark jeans, a crucifix medallion, a grey shirt, and wings growing out of his arms. Also, he has bat feet. He looks human except for the ears, wings, feet, and accent. His voice sounds like one on helium, but more...innocent. His wings have hollow bones. By the way, he is a fallen Archangel long ago trapped in this body in his fight against his cousin, Lucifer, or as Ben affectionately calls him "Cousin Lukey". Ironically, he was one of the good angels but got...fired for doing ahem naughty things like teaching ancient monkeys about fire. Thus did humanity become a race of fire-obsessed morons, out to kill whenever they could. Don't remember it? Chances are that Eris, his Arch Guardian, probably erased the memories of the human race before you would know about the inventions Ben made. History? What could one stupid Archangel do to cause history? Let's put it this way: Genghis Khan didn't use cavalry archers like history says; they used rocket launchers.

Anyway, there was a large shadow looming over Ben, and it hummed to itself, which is of course a dead giveaway. Ben looked behind himself. It was Thrust.

"Hah! I have you!" Thrust yelled, elated that he had finally succeeded in his mission. A crappy net with 4" holes shot out of his turbine and grabbed Ben.

"Aah!" Ben yelled as Thrust blasted off.

Once Thrust got past the Stratosphere, Ben asked the obvious.

"Ummm...how am I gonna breathe in space?"

"Hmm.. I guess you'll have to ride in the cockpit. Don't touch anything." So, Thrust put the Fallen Archangel in his cockpit.

MEANWHILE

At Wal-Mart, Red Alert had been waiting. He posed as an ambulance, but after the fifth person in a row died from choking, he thought it to be wiser to just wait as a robot. Then people would stop asking him about some guy named "Heimlich". ..

Yet Further Meanwhile

Midnight Express had finally been caught by the rest of the Autobots in a corner.

"Midnight, we're going to cure you of this habit!" Optimus yelled.

Midnight cowered. "NO! I can fondle my Britney Spears plush all I want! I love her!"

Optimus has the anime sweat drop. "ummm...That's not the habit I was referring to..."

Midnight cringed "There's nothing going on between me and the can opener! I swear!"

Optimus slapped his own forehead and groaned. "No, that's not it either."

Midnight stood up, confused. "My obsession with the ahem lovely Miss America?"

Optimus groaned loudly and this time smacked Midnight this time. "DAMMIT! NO! YOUR CKING OBSESSION WITH THE DAMNED CLOCKS! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!"

The Mediator, Skybyte, sighed. "This'll be a long 'un."

MEANWHILE, AT THE FRONT GATE

Finally, Grimlock had found the Autobot base. Mind you, it took him twelve years, and on the way he bumped into some odd people, like some guy calling himself 'Dinobot'. Sure, the guy was a Raptor, but Grimlock didn't recognize him. So he merely responded with a "Me Grimlock King!" and walked away, disheartened. Then, when he had thought he had finally found the Transformers in Japan, seeing the Fortress Maximus, then its disappearance, he swore and tried to get information from the humans. That was a dead end. Apparently some guy named Koji disappeared with them. Oh, how he would pay. Then, he could have sworn that he saw Unicron, but that's impossible, because twelve years ago, he and the original Transformers defeated him. And finally, he found the base. Oh, it was hard, but the fact that the door was marked with a huge Autobot sign made it slightly easier for him.

And so, he knocked.

A pair of familiar blue eyes looked out at him from inside the gate. They widened with disbelief. "Grimlock!"

"You leave Grimlock behind! Me Grimlock here to join back up. . "

The eyes, which by now you realize belong to Optimus, widened even further. "REALLY!"

Grimlock shrugged. " Well, Me Grimlock not selling Dino Scout cookies, now is he?"

The gate opened, and Grimlock had the surprise of his life. This was all new, and apparently technology had advanced radically.

" Whoa."

Then, a certain smell came to Grimlock's nose. It smelled familiar. Then, he knew what it was. "Me Grimlock whiff Communist!"

Optimus began to sweat. "Uhh...No commies here, old buddy! You must just have old Dust in your nose. Remember the Quintesson Home World? No way you don't have stuff from there stuck in your nose!"

"Oh." Said Grimlock, who then sat on the couch and took a nap.

MEANWHILE... AT THE DECEPTICON BASE...

Ben sat in Megatron's chair. When he had arrived, Megatron was taking a ahem bathroom break. Then, he seated himself on Megatron's Throne. All of the Decepticons gasped.

"YOU CAN'T SIT THERE!" Thrust yelled.

Ben shrugged. "What ,is it 'cause I'm a bat? Is that it!"

"NO! THAT'S MEGATRON'S CHAIR! HE'LL KILL YOU!" The Collective mass of Deceptions yelled.

Ben hopped off the chair as Megatron arrived.

"YOU!" Megatron yelled at Ben.

"uh-oh." Ben whimpered.

"MY LIFE IS YOUR FAULT!" Megatron blasted.

MEANWHILE...AT WAL-MART

The store was just about an hour open when Red Alert got to the toy aisle. It was just in! The new Optimus Prime toy! He **had** to have it. HAD TO!

So, he grabbed it off the shelf after tazering five innocent children and ran to the checkout.

There was an old lady waiting there, with a full shopping cart. Seriously...it was up to his head.

"ARGH!" he shouted. "MOVE IT LADY!" He charged up his blaster...

MEANWHILE...IN SAUDI ARABIA

Today was good for Saud Al-Minkh. His oil well was pumping from a rich source, and the Americans were willing to pay top dollar for their oil. He had paid his protection money, and thus was ready for a full day of profit.

And then his day went down the tubes...

"This is a stick-up!" yelled the giant robot.

"Allah! Save Me!" Saud clamored.

The Giant Robot was none other than Ultra Magnus.

"Oil! In the barrel! NOW!" He bellowed.

Meanwhile

Megatron was crying on a couch, and Ben was using Megatron's Throne as a psychiatrist's chair.

"So, how long have you missed your old self?" he asked with a horrible German accent.

"About three months now, doc." Megatron whimpered.

Ben took a minute to ponder this.

"Vell, is one ting to do!" (Yes, I'm misspelling so that you get the idea of the horrible accent.)

Megatron looks through his tears. "What, Doc?"

Ben smiles an evil smile. " Alcohol and drill. We fix you good. Or you die. Either way, you less sad. Also, we get free beer from Oktoberfest."

Megatron looks at Ben askew. "Why don't I just go back to my old self?"

Ben's eyes furrow. "Because then I don't get alcohol and drill to play with."

MEANWHILE...YET AGAIN

"MIDNIGHT!" Optimus is frantic now.

"Yes, boss?" Midnight asks.

"STOP SETTING THE CLOCKS TO GO OFF DAYLIGHT SAVINGS!" Optimus bellows.

"Why?" Midnight inquires.

"BECAUSE WE USE A LUNAR CLOCK, IDIOT!"

Ben fluttered toward the Autobot base. He was being followed by a familiar white space shuttle.

"BEN! You're being trailed by Megatron!" Hot Shot yells.

Ben fluttered began to flutter his wings even harder.

The Autobot door opened, and Ben flew in, as fast as he could. Megatron punched the booster and makes it in just as the door closes.

Ben ran into the lobby. "Guys! I got news!"

He then saw a female Autobot whose designs were looked almost exactly like Optimus's, but were somehow different. And Optimus stood next to her.

"WHO THE HELL IS THAT!" Ben burst.

"Yess, who is that, darling!" said the now back-to-female Megatron.

Optimus is very confused. " Uhhh...It's my daughter."

"WHAT!" everyone yells, save Optimus and his daughter.

Optimus smiled sheepishly and twiddled his fingers guiltily. " Well, while Megatron and I were separated, I got lonely. A bot's got Needs!"

"Needs! You had children! And toast!" Megatron yelled.

Optimus mumbled something about having no butter and went on. " So, in my depression, I ran into a Soviet Rally. Well, me and a lovely tank met there and after a wild, oil-filled night and 11 months, I had a little surprise on my hands. Her name is Maxima."

Ben's eyes widened, then went back to normal. He licked his hand, and wet back his hair, and struts over to Maxima.

"Hi. I'm Ben. You're real pretty. Wanna hook up sometime, sweet...umm...toaster?"

SLAP!

"Aww...she likes me..." Ben said before he fell unconscious.

Eris strode in, and upon seeing the indignant female Autobot, the knocked-out half-bat, the weeping Megatron, and the surprised Autobots, she burst out laughing.

"Looks like we have a situation here..." She remarked.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 02

Just then, Red Alert ran by, giggling as he hurried to his room. He then shut the door, and noises of Autobot/ Decepticon toy battle could be heard.

(behind the shut door)

" Yess...Optimus...You bow before your master, Red Alert! You too, Megatron!

(Impersonating Optimus) Oh yes, master! I love you so much!

(Impersonating Megatron) Yesss...master, I will ignore Optimus and focus on only you!"

(outside the door)

Midnight Express looked at Prime, whose eyes were the size of Autobot Energon dinner plates.

"And you said _I_ had odd obsessions..."

Optimus smacked Midnight. "DAMMIT MIDNIGHT! I'm tired of your damn obsessions! I thought you were the responsible one!"

Megatron glanced out a window. "Optimus, you have yourself one odd Autobot there."

Eris loooked around. " Did I miss something?"

The Autobots in the lobby shrugged. "Uhhh..."

MEANWHILE-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ultra Magnus was making a clean getaway. He had as much oil as he could carry, and he had drank his fill at the oil pump. Now, he would be remembered. No one back at the base, even his beloved Arcee would pay any attention to him.

MEANWHILE-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

An indignant Grimlock was Glaring at Optimus.

"**You** is Communist Grimlock whiff!"

Optimus shrugged. "Well...I'm not really Communist, that's a human thing. But the idea of total government control drools... it sounds good to me. Karl Marx was right!"

He then revealed the tattoo he had been hiding. It was...a duckie.

"They were out of Scythes and Hammers."

Upon seeing the angry Autobots and Decepticon, he changed his mind.

"Err...I'm a market socialist?"

Just then, Ultra Magnus burst in with a massive barrel of oil. "I got hard oil, guys! Let's party!"

Arcee looked Magnus in the eye. "Who are you, again?"

Magnus fell over. "I'm your beloved Ultra Magnus!"

Arcee giggled. " I don't know any Ultra Magnets!"

Ultra Magnus's face flushed. "ULTRA MAG**NUS!** **NOT** MAG**NETS!** AAARGH!"

Everybody but the depressed Ultra Magnus went backto what they were doing.

Maxima and Arcee decided to move to a safer area; where they wouldn't be pestered by annoying admirers.

Well, Megatron and Optimus were worried about Red Alert's ahem fantasies, so they kindly exploded the door down.

Red Alert was making hundreds of Transformers toys bow before him.

"Uhh...It's not what it looks like?" He said. His hands were on the toys of Optimus and Megatron...too close...

Midnight Express was walking by, fondling a digital watch. Everybody glares at him.

"What? She understands me!" He cried.

"Your troops are really screwed up, Optimus." Megatron noted.

MEANWHILE (haven't had one of those for a while)------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ultra Magnus woke up the little bat outside the base.

"Whaa...no...I do want a mochacheese something latte with extra baby back ribs..." Ben mumbled.

"Wake up, stupid!" Ultra Magnus yelled.

"Whaa..? Ultra Magnus? Whatcha doing so early?"Ben grumbled.

"You like Maxima, right?" Ultra Magnus says in a smooth voice.

"Yeah. I bet she like to burn stuff too!" Ben said.

"Then today, my friend, when you go to school with the humans, you'll do as I say..."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rad, Alexis, Carlos, Kicker,Hot Shot, Ironhide, Jetfire, Maxima, Skybyte, Arcee, and Ben were waiting for the school bus. The transformers were in human forms, one of Eris's many talents.

"Why do I hafta go to school?" Ben whined. "I'm millions of years old! I knew Aristotle and Plato! And Genghis! I don't need no schoolin'!"

"Shut up, Ben!" Kicker yelled. "At least you're in the correct time period. YOU pulled me 16 years into the past!"

Carlos decide to play the part of the mediator. "Now, now; Kicker, we like having you back here. Besides, it's better than digging for Energon, right?"

Kicker shrugged. "Slightly."

Skybyte sipped some oil from his canteen. He then spat it out and began to choke on it.

"IDIOT! You're human right now! Oil is poisonous to humans! Serves you right for trying to get tipsy before school!" Arcee yelled.

Maxima looked up at the sky. "I hope school will be a good place." She said in a soft voice without accent.

Ben ran up to Maxima. "You have a beautiful voice. Do you like to burn things?"

Maxima was srprised. " Maybe you aren't so bad." She said as she patted him on the head.

"YAY!" He jumped for joy and danced in circles, eventually straying into the strret. Unfortunately for him, the bus was coming at 50 MPH.

"AAGH!"

SPLAT!

The entire group gaped at the bus in horror.

"BEN!" Ironhide yelled.

"owch..." Ben grumbled from underneath the bus. He crawled out sporting the latest fashion : Tire tracks on one's face.

The bus driver stared n horror. "Are..Are..Are you..Ok?" He asked, timidly.

"Yeah. That really hurt. Can I have some soda?" Ben asked.

"How the HELL are you even ALIVE!" Arcee yelled.

"You're an IDIOT!" Ironhide joined in.

"What the UCK?" Jetfire boomed.

"Wow. that really had to hurt." Carlos added.

Alexis was asleep.

"Grandma said you were stupid, but Wow." Rad said.

Maxima slamed her fist down on Ben's head."MORON! YOU WORRIED ME!" She blasted.

"OWCH! Aww..you do like me!" Ben said.

SLAP!

"Dude, you got slapped!" Hot Shot snickered.

--------------------Meanwhile, Back at HQ--------------------------

Midnight was still in trouble. Grimlock was put in charge of the lecture.

"Me Grimlock think you weird. You like clocks. Why not chase red sports car like Sideburn?Why not get girlfriend? Me Grimlock got girlfriend. She on Cybertron. Me Grimlock think you need mental help. Do, me Grimlock help you. " He then tail whipped Midnight in the head.

"Me Midnight, I mean I,Damn you, have my obsessions under control. You need to learn English, Fossil brain!" Midnight burst.

"HEY! Me Grimlock fix you good!"

A fistfight broke out.

---------------Meanwhile, on the bus------------------------------------------

Alexis, who had now woken up, realized that she was sitting next to Kicker, who had a...personal space issue.

"HEY! NO touchie!"

Skybyte nudged Ben, who was sitting at the window, trying to scry his reflection.

This bus has big tires. Ben thought to himself.

He felt depressed because he wasn't very ppopular with Maxima, nor her adoptive best friend, Arcee. Heck, even Alexis seemed to dislike him.

"Hey Ben! We're almost there! What's negative i to the 8th?" Skybyte asked.

Ben glared at him. "Negative eight."

The bus stopped at the high school.

"Now, all of us are scheduled to have the same classes, 'cept Carlos, 'cause he's so cool." Hot Shot said.

"Dude! How did you live through getting run over?" Carlos asked, as they walked.

"I'm an Archangel. A-duh." Ben said, as he strode toward the main door. As soon as they got to the main door, it opened vehemently, onto Carlos's face. He began to bleed profusely.

"Agh!" Carlos yelled, muffled by the door.

--------------------Meanwhile, in Canada-------------------------------------

"Are you lost!" Ultra Magnus yelled up to Starscream.

Magnus was driving thorugh the Canadian forest, as Starscream flew overhead.

"No! We'll hit Mexico City anytime! Hey, does Mexico have moose!" Starscream yelled back.

"Yeah! But down here they're called 'bulls'!" Ultra Magnus responded.

"What about Bears?" Starscrem called down.

"Ummm...no. They probably escaped from the local ...ummm... zoo."

Then, they got to the Canadian Parliament. They Transformed into robot mode and burst down the door.

"So, Vicente Fox, we meet again...wait...you guys ain't Mexicans! Dammit Starscream! These guys are not Mexicans!" Ultra Magnus yelled.

Starscream put his hand behind his head

" Oh well, I guess that's because I failed Earth Geography!"

They both began to slink away. The Canadian Prime minister them and yelled. "Hey! Who's gonna pay for that door? And my Carpeting!"

Starscream shrugged. "I don't know. All good Questions. Well, bye!" He dashed out the door.

---

R&R!


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3-(Chaos Reigns over ALL)

At the school nurse-

Ben was sitting next to a water cooler. He had an irrational fear of both nurses and water coolers. Let's just say the last time he saw a nurse, he had 17 needles stabbed in his back filled with sulfuric acid.

As for the water cooler, let's just say that he and water coolers were the fiercest of enemies (one "tried to drown him"). Carlos was dying from, of all things, his bloody nose.

"We'll have to call a healer, to remove the pain." Said the nurse, who just may have been under-trained.

"THERE IS NO & pain! I just wanna live!" Carlos yelled.

Then, Adri walked into the room.

Adri is Ben's friend from another plane, where monsters & magical beings rule the world. Adri is a kitsune. Also, he is a tad … dim. He looks like a human, except that he is a tad taller, and has massive fox ears that stand straight up. He is always dressed like a monk.

"I can do my best!" Adri said as he pulled out a holy water hand-grenade. He then decided to open said grenade and dump its contents onto Carlos's face. The blood, with the water, flooded into Carlos's mouth, and he began to drown.

"Nice move, smart guy." Said the nurse.

"WHAT? I blest it myself!" Adri yelled back.

Ben pulled on Adri's sleeve.

Adri's eyes bulged (Manga fashion)

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE!" Adri yelled. (AN: Adri and Ben are part of one of my original comic books).

Ben grabbed him harshly.

"I could ask you the same question, except that this is where I came from." Ben said.

"So, do you still eat moths?" Adri started.

Everybody stared at the two half-breeds.

"SHUT UP ADRI!" Ben yelled. "NOW HOW DID YOU GET HERE!"

Adri put his hand behind his head. "umm… bad experience with blessing holy water and a vacuum. Turns out that it DOES have magical properties, but they only work against us."

Ben shrugged. Such was typical of Adri. Luckily for both Adri and Ben, Eris had not found out. If she had, oh the trouble they would have been in.

A sickening thought occurred to Ben.

"Did anyone else come through?" Ben asked.

"Maybe. I dunno. Kane was kinda with me, but I'm not sure if he got sucked through. And as for Dave, he's still making bail. I think. Where do you live?"

Ben reeled back, confused.

"Why?"

"'Cause I'm homeless."

Ben shrugged. "I guess you'll have to come home with me. Optimus will be pissed. Again. Damn."

"Well, at least we're not surrounded by vampires. I mean, life is good. Right?" Adri asked.

"You haven't met Eris." Ben muttered.

MEANWHILE—In Mexico

"I think we're close!" Ultra Magnus, in truck mode, called up to Starscream, who was in F-22 mode.

"What makes you think that?" Starscream asked.

"It might have been the sign that said 'Welcome to Mexico, Senor. "

"We'll get what we wanted, don't worry." Starscream said.

They passed a hotel with an American flag.

"Hmmm….I think we've gone back to America, Star" Ultra Magnus said.

"OK! South, here we come!" Starscream said

Back at the school….

Everybody is sitting in Biology (AP), and Rad is snoring.

Skybyte nudged him.

"Wha…Alexis I just wanna dip you in cheese and hot fudge and…"Rad mumbled

"Well, we know what he dreams." Skybyte muttered, disgusted. He pulled out his canteen again, and took a long swig.

Then he realized why that was bad when the teacher happened to mention the adverse effects of drinking oil.

He raised his hand, and tried not to pass out. "Inferior human teacher! I mean, teacher who I respect: I sort of need to go to the nurse!"

The teacher glared at him. "Why?"

Arcee smacked him in the back of the head. "Because he drank oil again. He thinks it's alcohol."

The teacher dismissed him to the nurse.

"I hate being human. No oil! These people are so stupid, I need oil to keep me friendly!" he grumbled to himself as he strode toward the nurse.

Then he saw the body bag being moved out of the nurse.

"Perhaps I should take my chances with the oil." He said.

Ben and Adri walked out of the room, laughing.

"…So he says 'I'm delightfully soaked!'" Adri said, and they burst into laughter,

Skybyte looked at them. He spit out the oil and threw away the canteen.

"Either the world is screwed up way too much, or I'm just overdrinking again." He muttered.

Adri and Ben walked back to class. Skybyte decided to take a nap in the nurse's office.

Back at the base

Grimlock and Midnight were still duking it out.

"You crazy old idiot!" Midnight launched.

"You wrong, and you Ugly too!" Grimlock yelled back.

Optimus got between them, one hand holding Grimlock's head, the other Midnight's neck.

"You two need to calm down. NOW." He stated.

Grimlock backed up. "But he call Grimlock stupid. Me Grimlock try to help."

"BY KNOCKING MY BRAINS IN!" Midnight burst.

"Maybe." Grimlock said, innocently fiddling with his fingers.

Optimus rubbed his head.

"Ok, both of you go to Red Alert. He'll fix you." He said, aggravated.

The two combatants staggered off to the infirmary.

"It your fault." Grimlock muttered.

"Nuh-uh!" Midnight countered.

"Yuh-huh!" Grimlock shot back

"nuh-UH!"

"YUH-HUH!"

And so it went on… and on… and on.

Red Alert had his blaster to his head.

"SHUT THE CK UP! PRIMUS! HOW DO YOU GUYS NOT KILL YOURSELVES!" He burst.

Grimlock and Midnight cracked their knuckles and nodded.

"mommy!" Red Alert cowered.

The two battered Autobots decided to take out their rage on the medic.

Kicker was bored out of his mind.

"WHAT THE HELL!" He burst in the middle of English, when the teacher had said that Edgar Allen Poe had died alone and a drunk.

"Well! I know you must have passion for Mr. Poe's works, but we need NOT express our anger at his demise like THAT!"

Alexis giggled. Rad gave Kicker a death glare.

Jetfire drew pictures of himself sniping the teacher.

"AND what are YOU doing Mr. Aero (Jetfire's fake name)?Bring it up here."

"Uhh…" He said as he complied.

The teacher gave him a death glare.

"See that it doesn't happen again."

Jetfire sat down in his seat, sweating puddles.

Hot Shot laughed.

"Dude! You got reprimanded!" He snickered.

Maxima gave him a look. "Is all you know how to do laugh at people's misfortune?"

"It's either that or drink hard oil. And Skybyte's got that angle covered."

Ironhide was being a good boy, sitting there studying.

"Why can't you guys be like Mr. Hide?" The teacher asked.

"Did I mention how bad Ironhide is at stealth?" Kicker whispered to Alexis.

"SHH!" Ironhide hissed.

Maxima was daydreaming.

"psst." She heard under her desk.

"BEN! YOU PERV!" She yelled. She then pummeled him with kicks.

"oww…that hurt."

"You deserve it, you little perv!"

"I was just gonna tell ya that class is over, and that I had to sneak under the desks 'cause the students stampeded out. "

"oh."

"Yeah."

Outside the door, Adri could be heard snickering.

"SHUT UP ADRI!" Ben yelled.

Back at the base, once more.

Optimus and Megatron were sitting on chairs talking about their marital issues.

"Well, I suppose since you're a femme again, we can go back to what we had." Optimus started.

"No. You need to take care of our children…child…Ok, it's just a stupid toaster, but you get the idea!" Megatron countered.

"Irrational as ever." Optimus sighed.

"You just wanna get laid!" Megatron yelled.

"Did I mention you look good?" Optimus tried.

"Oh, I get it! First, when we married, and I was a femme and you were you, you married for love and all that crap. Then, one of your lackeys turns me male and you leave me and the chil…toaster for a soviet Tank! What's up with that!" Megatron burst.

"Well, it would be… awkward to stay together. I mean two guys… claiming to have a kid, which is a toaster. Ok, say you're not you, and you see say, Hot Shot and Red Alert with a toaster, claiming it's a kid. Then, Red Alert claims he was a femme at the time, and that they still love each other. What would you think?" Optimus reasoned.

"I'd think they were Autobot queers." Megatron said flatly, obviously pouting.

"See! This is what I'm saying! Now, how can you lead the Autobots or Decepticons, if they think you're …odd?" Optimus reasoned.

"Well, I see that being hard. But why didn't you just tell me this before?" Megatron asked.

"BECAUSE YOU WERE SHOOTING AT ME WITH A CANNON!" Optimus burst.

"oh. So are Hot Shot and Red Alert…"

"No. That was just an example." Optimus said.

"Red Alert is kind of a freak, isn't he?" Megatron asked, relating to the toy incident.(Ch.s 1&2)

Optimus nodded.

"Are there any people like the example on your team?" She (Megatron) continued.

"I don't know. They're all screwy." Optimus said with a wry smile

"Hot oil and whipped cream?" Megatron asked.

"You read my mind, baby." Optimus said.

--

Sideways closed his optics after that. Too gross.

Maybe now Unicron wouldn't put him in charge of the rabid RAT colony as punishment for failing the last attack.


	4. Chapter 4

Chaos Reigns Over All Chapter 4

At the Autobot base….

Kicker and Alexis got off the bus, holding hands.

Rad was giving Kicker a death glare.

Kicker pulled his eyelid down, and stuck out his tongue when Alexis wasn't looking.

Rad's upper vein pulsed.

"Calm down, man. At least school's over!" Skybyte said, holding an overly-large cup of hard, high-octane oil in his left hand.

"Skybyte, how many times do I have to tell you about the oil thing!" Arcee roared.

Ben ran by, as Adri chased him with a pointy stick.

"Sorrrrrrryyyyyyy!" Ben yelled.

Adri's upper vein pulsed. "No, you're not! BUT YOU WILL BE!"

Then, they crashed right into Optimus's foot.

"OWW! Damn humans! I mean…welcome back, guys! Turn back now, if you will."

Rad snapped his fingers, and the Autobots went back to their regular forms (Skybyte too).

"Did you guys do your homework?" Optimus nagged.

"Yes." Everybody answered in the same, bored monotone.

Antarctica-

Starscream and Ultra Magnus were glaring at each other.

"I think we went too far South!" Starscream said.

"No, you think!" Magnus countered.

"Ok, we'll head North this time…OOOHH a penguin!" Starscream said, grabbing a penguin and squeezing it.

"Stop squeezing it!" Magnus whined.

"Why?" Starscream asked.

"'Cause I don't have one!" Magnus whined.

Then he too saw a penguin.

"PENGY!" He roared, picking up a fat penguin and squeezing it.

"Aren't we technically stealing these penguins?" Starscream asked.

"They're 'casualties of war' now!" Magnus said.

"Which war?" Starscream asked.

"I dunno, but we'll let Optimus worry about it. ON to MEXICO!"

They transformed and headed North.

Back in the Autobot base…

"I'm bored.!" Optimus groaned.

The other Autobots groaned in agreement.

Ben jumped up and down with his hand raised. "OOH! OOH! I HAVE A FUN IDEA!"

"What?" Optimus asked, shuddering to think of what Ben qualified as "fun".

"D&D!"

--

Megatron was back at the moonbase, and seemed a lot happier.

"I'm bored!" Tidal Wave yelled.

"Wah. Cry me a river." Thundercracker snapped.

"yeah! There ain't nothin' to do!" One of the tapes whined. (Soundwave's tapes).

Cyclonus pulled out some dice and some books.

"Well, back in college, I played D&D with the best. Anyone interested?"

Soundwave nodded.

"Cyclonus, I had no clue you went to college. Let me into your game." Megatron said.

Cyclonus shrugged. "Ok."

Megatron pulled her (remember- switched to femme) throne over to the War Room table where Cyclonus had set up.

"Does anyone feel like a dork for playing?" Soundwave's other tape asked.

"Nah." All the Decepticons replied.

--

"So, What are your guys' characters?" Ben asked, wearing a massive dice bag on his belt.

Adri raised his hand. "I'm a chaotic GOOD goblin ranger!" Ben groaned. "Ok. Next?"

Jetfire raised his hand. " I made me a Chaotic Good Fighter- but there weren't any Transformers! How am I gonna be somethin' I'm not!"

Ben sighed. "That's why it's called 'role-playing'. Does anyone else have a character?"

Optimus raised his hand. "Can we be evil?"

Ben nodded.

"BWAHAHAHAHAHA! I am going to play as a chaotic evil human fighter, named Psychosis Prime! EVIL! EVILLLLLLLLL!I FEEL THE POWER! BWAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU WILL ALL DIE! BOW BEFORE ME!"

Everyone looked a little spooked.

"And that, Jetfire, is what we call 'too much roleplaying'. " Ben said.

Optimus then proceeded to run to his office, and loud crashings were heard.

10 seconds later, he came out with a new paint job- all midnight blue with red extremeties.

"PSYCHOSIS PRIME IS EEEEEEEEEEEEEEVVVILLLLLLLL! BWAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" He yelled.

Ben looked over at Jetfire. "This could be a slight problem…"


	5. Chapter 5

Choas Reigns Over All Chapter 5---

(WARNING: I'm gonna inject some of hidden fears into this!)

"PYSCHOSIS PRIME IS EEEEEVIL!" Optimus yelled, now being restrained by Jetfire and Grimlock.

Ben wiped the sweat off of his forehead and laughed. "Well, are we ready to play?"

Demolishor raised his hand. "I wanna be a half-orc! I wanna be a paladin!"

Ben glared at him. "The last time we had a paladin, he raped his horse. Do you really want to be in the same class as that idiot?" Ben asked.

Demolishor's optics narrowed. "Yep, but I'm smart: Do what the leader tells you to do."

Optimus nearly jumped for joy, had it not been for the two Autobots holding him down.

"LEADER SAYS KILL EVERYTHING! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Optimus roared.

Ben looked back and forth. "Ok……….anyone else?"

Everybody shook their heads.

"Good." Ben said. "Then the super-projector I ahem borrowed will make this fun for everyone to watch. Especially because the players can now put their consciousnesses inside the machine.

Adri turned around. "I don't think that it's a great idea, Ben."

Ben karate-chopped Adri in the back of the neck. He fell unconscious.

"Anyone else have any objections?"

Hot Shot turned on the projector.

The players and Ben all went unconscious.

A little goblin in green, a human clad in massive armor, that had a disturbing resemblance to Jetfire in stance, a half-orc in golden armor and a human in black armor with an insane grin on his face appeared on-screen.

"Whoah." Hot Shot said, amazed.

While no one was looking, Red Alert pulled out his Megatron action figure and hugged it.

"Ewww…" Midnight said, as his left hand was fondling the digital watch on his right.

"Oh yeah, I'm gross, but the watch is PERFECTLY WELL ADJUSTED!" Red Alert said sarcastically.

"HER NAME IS DIGITAL AND WE'RE GOING STEADY!" Midnight said defensively.

Hot Shot turned and looked at Midnight with disgust. "Digital is the type of watch, not the name."

"Oh."

-

The goblin turned to the half-orc.

"You have a bad feeling about this?" He asked.

The half-orc shrugged. "Me no know. Me got intelligence score of 6."

The goblin giggled. "You sound like Grimlock!"

(AN: ME GRIMLOCK HEAR THAT!)

"EEEVIL!" the man in black armor yelled.

"Uh-oh. Optimus went insane again!" the other fighter said.

"I'm not Optimus, I'm PSYCHOSIS! I'm gonna kill you all!" the man in black, Psychosis roared.

Then, a brick hit him on the head, and he fell unconscious.

All the conscious characters looked around, and noticed that they were in what appeared to be an ancient human city.

Then they saw who threw the brick.

"BEN!" the goblin yelled.

It was the Archangel himself, in his original look- no bat features.

"Hey guys. Welcome to D&D! For now, I'm sorta your guide."

The conscious characters looked at each other, a bit confused.

"HEY! YOU'RE NOT ROLE-PLAYING!" The half-orc burst.

Ben laughed. "Yes I am. I'm an archangel. And you guys have to go get your adventuring gear…"

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVVVVIIILLLLLLLLLL!" Optimus squealed in his sleep.

"Is he gonna be OK?" the fighter asked.

The Archangel and the players shrugged.

-

Rad and the other humans watched the screen blankly. Well, all except Alexis and Kicker, who were ahem> getting acquainted.

Then, the door to the TV room crashed down.

Ben's grandson Mohenjo was standing outside it, cracking his knuckles.

Mohenjo, for those who don't know, is a legendary hero from the planet Mythlandir, and has a nasty temper.. He wears night black armor, and has elf-like ears.

Rad turned and looked in shock.

"Mohenjo, how's it going?" he asked, trying not to mention the row of doors the pissed ¼ Archangel had broken down.

Mohenjo gave Rad a death glare. "Not bad, Demon-Spawn. Yourself?"

Rad sighed. "Some jerk from the future stole my girlfriend."

Mohenjo sat down on a chair. "Want some help?"

Rad looked up. "What do you mean?"

Mohenjo grinned evilly. "I know how to get rid of a bad day. Come with me."

Rad nodded.

Not like Alexis & Kicker noticed, anyways.

--

Egypt-

Starscream was transformed and on the ground, wiping sand out of his engines.

"Stupid Earth sand! I swear, we should have just blown it up!" he muttered.

"SHHH! PENGY MIGHT HEAR YOU!" Ultra Magnus said, hushing his friend.

"I think you and Pengy have gotten too close, Magnus." Starscream muttered.

Ultra Magnus glared. "Oh yeah, you're just jealous! Your penguin fell off over the ocean! JEALOUS! Well, it's my Pengy and mine alone!"

"Hey, are we in Mexico yet?" Starscream asked.

Ultra Magnus shrugged. "I can't read the local language. It smells kind of like the place I got that hard oil…"

Pengy crawled out, squawked, and pointed its flipper toward the giant pyramids.

"They're scaring Pengy! They must be destroyed!" Ultra Magnus yelled.

"Here we go again…" Starscream sighed…

-

Valdria

"Welcome to Valdria, Earther!" a pleasant female voice announced when Rad and Mohenjo appeared

Mohenjo merely walked by, snatching a metal card from a massive wall.

He then slid it through a slot, which activated a gigantic gate.

"Ever been to the Outer Worlds, Demon-spawn?" Mohenjo asked.

Rad could only shake his head.

The gate opened, and there was what looked like a city beneath an orange sky.

Rad looked around and saw where Mohenjo was headed: the Coliseum.

"Wait! Grandma warned me about the Coliseums! People die there!" Rad protested.

Mohenjo drew his bastard sword.

"Well, what did you expect- a brothel!" Mohenjo asked sarcastically.

Rad looked away. "Maybe- but that's NOT THE POINT! You just kndnapped me and took me to a Coliseum where I could be killed! Grandma's gonna KILL YOU!"

Mohenjo turned away.

"Feel free to go home."

"HOW!" Rad burst.

"I'll leave that part up to you to figure out. " Mohenjo said, again sliding the card, and opening a gate.

Rad slapped his own forehead. "Damn! This is what I get for following a lunatic around! Now I know how Grandma felt!"

-


End file.
